BE HAPPY TOGETHER
Getting married, living together and lead a happy life, has always been a controversial issue. For many, a fantasy, for others a reality. Very often people have irrational thoughts and beliefs about marriage or conjugal union. Unfortunately, for many these issues are perceived as an action that limits and/or deprive freedom and autonomy. But what truth there is in these beliefs? Is it possible that the origin of these ideas, perceptions and beliefs are the product of social learning?
There is no doubt that society has much to do with this reality. Negative experiences of others, among other factors promote this kind of belief. "Will you throw a rope around your neck," a phrase very popular when it comes to these matters. Why this action is perceived this way? There is no better explanation than ignorance.
Marriage is a social institution that creates a conjugal bond. The individual interpretation we give marriage depends on the meaning and value we give to love and the conjugal bond. When you are in a relationship where you think and you feel that you cannot be authentically you, it is very likely that the desire and fantasy of being alone originates, due to you start to need time to be alone. It is at that moment when feelings of resentment, anger and frustration start causing conflicts in couple’s life. In some cases, infidelity.
A conjugal bond is considered healthy when both people visualize the union to enjoy each other, as they are guided by a commitment, responsible vision of respect and not individualistic (selfish). The union is not just being together in good times only, nor does it grant the right to any party to appropriate or govern the other depriving of the freedom to be authentic. If you think and perceive this union in this way, you are basing it on a belief system that is far from what is truly love. Surely you will live in a troubled, unhappy and stuck relationship.
It is not healthy to negotiate the freedom to be independent and to be who you are. Why think otherwise? Why think that we should have a passive or submissive role? Married life is a matter of loyalty, responsibility commitment, trust, respect individual needs and a decision to freely share who we are, without losing the personal identity. Married life does not confuse the reason to be together. Among the reasons for wanting to be together and share one life is because being together adds value to their lives; sharing their freedom, while being who they are, while remaining autonomous and everything else. "I am happy and happier when we are together."
Dr. Caroline Rodriguez
Psychologist and Counselor
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