Mindfulness Can Help People with Early Dementia and Their Caregivers

Mindfulness Can Help People with Early Dementia and Their Caregivers

From the article: "Mindfulness Can Aid Those in Early Dementia and Caregivers" By Rick Nauert PHD. This study shows that caregivers and patients with early dementia both benefit from undergoing mindfulness training together. The authors believe this is important because caregivers often don’t have much time on their own for activities that could relieve their emotional burden. Sadly, caregivers tend to have an increased incidence of anxiety, depression, immune dysfunction, and other health concerns as well as an increased mortality rate, according to prior studies.

For the full article: http://psychcentral.com/news/2014/08/27/mindfulness-can-aid-those-in-early-dementia-and-caregivers

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Relationship Skills

Relationship Skills 

There are certain skills that are necessary to establish and maintain close interpersonal relationships. The relationship skills seem simple, but some of them can take great courage. Love is not a feeling; it is an action. We must love in action and in truth. To love someone, you must be dynamically involved in that other person’s individual evolution. Love is not self-oriented; it is other-oriented. There also is the love that you show yourself. This is when you are involved in your own growth.

How to Love

The first skill you need to have in relationships is love. Love is and action. You are interested in and actively involved in the other person’s individual growth. You are there for that person when he or she needs your help. You respond to how the person feels and what he or she wants. You tell the truth all of the time. You are willing to spend your time and energy being involved in the other person’s well-being.

How to Commit

The second relationship skill is commitment. You must commit yourself, on a daily basis, to working on building the relationship. This means that you work to provide a safe atmosphere in which the relationship can grow an atmosphere full of love and trust. You dedicate yourself to the relationship. You must take time necessary to nourish yourself, the other person, and the relationship.

How to be Encouraging

The third relationship skill is to be encouraging. You must encourage the other person to reach his or her full potential in life. This takes a lot of reinforcement and praise. No one needs to be punished and criticized. People need soothing and encouraging words. They need to know that you have faith in them, that you trust them and that you will help them to grow.

How to Share

The fourth skill is sharing. You must practice sharing how you feel and what you think. You must ask for what you want. You cannot keep these things to yourself. The relationship will falter if you withhold the truth. If you keep your feelings and wants to yourself, your relationship will not work. Your partner cannot guess what you want.

How to Compromise

The fifth skill is compromise. No one is going to get exactly what he or she wants in a relationship. You have to create an atmosphere of give and take. You must be willing to respond to how the person feels and what he or she wants. Compromise creates an atmosphere of fairness and equality. Always ask yourself what you would want if you were in the other person’s position.

How to show respect

The sixth is establishing a relationship filled with respect. This means that you show the other person that he or she is important to you and you do things that make that person feels special. Therefore, you do not treat that person poorly; you love him or her too much for that. When this person is happy, you feel happy.

These relationship skills take practice. They will not come easily. You need to work at telling the truth all of the time. You need to practice being encouraging. You need to practice sharing how you feel and asking for what you want. You need to develop the skill of commitment. You will struggle at first when you compromise, but it will start to come easier. You need to work at showing someone you love that he or she is important.

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/relationship-skills/

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Past traumas dust your present

Past traumas dust your present

Recently reading about traumas, I found an interesting and practical example that explains in simple terms how past traumas affect the lives of people in the present. The author refers to past traumas as the dust that accumulates on a light bulb overshadowing his light.

How do we apply this to your life? Imagine that through the years your painful experiences, considering in this article as traumas, have been on your mind affecting you in your present experience. As long as this dust is there, it will be impossible for you to see things clearly and your natural light will not be available to shine your present and your life.

It seems interesting because people come to seek help because they see their lives as fragile. When they seek help is because their past traumas have dusted their lives without having control of it, overpowering their present. When this happened tragically or sadly, it decentralized from the person bringing troubled lives and unhealthy emotional states.

When you can activate your consciousness about what happens, then you begin to be mentally open for change in you, enabling you to light your life without allowing the dust to opaque your present. When your mind is in the present moment, something happens because the experience of the moment does not dust painful experiences or past traumas located in your mind. This allows new sensations freed from fear, anger, sadness, hate, or toxic feelings associated with past traumas that have nothing to do with your present. The wounds of past traumas without realizing it, in most cases, lead you to ideas and pessimistic interpretations about yourself and the outside world. Also, steal your present affecting your relationships with others and with yourself. It is a wall that does not allow you to be in healthy physical and emotional states. This results in superficial lifestyle dominated by involuntary information that often brings pain and suffering.

Your lifestyle will reflect your thoughts and beliefs. When your lifestyle changes, it does not happen due to changes in your environment. It happens because you have managed to be in the present moment, controlling your experiences, your past traumas, your environment, without letting them manipulate you. Here, past traumas have been left behind.

If you see your life more pessimistic than optimistic, focusing on painful emotions considered free from these wounds and past traumas. Begin to live oriented by the present and hoping that everything will be fine.

If the emotional load is heavy and you do not know how to free yourself from these experiences and painful emotions, seek professional help is always the best option.

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/

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Improve Your Listening Skills and Boost your Ability to Communicate

Improve your Listening Skills and Boost your Ability to Communicate

To improve your listening skills and boost your ability to communicate is important in a relationship. Active or reflective listening consists in making sure that what you are really listening or hearing is correct by repeating it back. When you consciously listen to the other person you make sure you hear what was really said. You need to use active listening primarily if you need to modify old styles of communication with your partner that were not effective in the past. And it may be that the communication problem between the two was basically the ability to hear each other. If you’re not able to communicate effectively with your spouse, may be because you are not actively listening to what you are you saying. Good communication skills are necessary to solve problems.

If we are not listening properly, then the message sent may be very different from the actual message that we are trying to send. This can occur for many reasons, but mostly by the absence of hearing properly.

Below are some of the reasons which might interfere with listening properly:

1. When we assume that the listener does not need to listen beyond a certain point.
2. Lack of paying attention or distractions.
3. Paying more attention to your response even while the other person still talking.
4. When we assume that you know what the other is going to say, and therefore we listen only enough to make then happy.

In these situations, a couple could be making everything worse trying to be understood without realizing that both of them are not really listening to what was actually stated.

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/improve-your-listening-skills-and-boost-your-ability-to-communicate/

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How Differently Adults and Kids View People With Disabilities

How Differently Adults and Kids View People With Disabilities 

This Public Service Announcement shows the influence of social cognition that occurs to people with disabilities. Here children again teach us that we must stop the conditioning schemes and social stigmas learned in the past. We need to teach children to see the differences not as regrettable and strange, but as dignified differences.

Fro the article: http://themighty.com/2015/01/silly-game-reveals-how-differently-adults-and-kids-view-people-with-disabilities/

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/

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HEALTHY COUPLE RELATIONSHIPS

HEALTHY COUPLE RELATIONSHIPS

Healthy couples achieve the existence of a sense of belonging that intertwine the following qualities:

1. Experiment and focus on positive emotions in the relationship. To do things together that are pleasurable and fun. Such as going to the movies to see a fun movie, to take a walk, to share with good friends or family, a picnic at the beach, walk to recreational sites and social work (voluntary service).

2. Trust. To trust in each other is vital for the relationship to be harmonious and for both to feel connected. The security of knowing that they will not do anything to hurt each other. Know they can count on the other because it is your ally and knowing that everything, the other will do, will be for the good of the relationship.

3. Empathy. Put yourself in the place of another. When there are arguments or disagreements instead of reacting defending your point of view, pay attention and active listen your partner. This is not about invalidating your point of view, but rather, to make the other feel it is important to you how the other is thinking and feeling. This commitment must be reciprocal.

4. Fidelity. Being faithful to the other involves respect and believe in the existence of love and the bond they have. Be clear what is involved and the responsibility that entails. Choose and decide exclusivity, is undoubtedly one of the most important areas for a healthy relationship partner.

5. Communication. Clarify what each other wants from the relationship and take responsibility for the positive things you want to happen. Communicate what they want in ways that the other can accept. The best way to communicate is to be clear and direct, but always communicating desires-not requirements. We recommend using sentences with “I”. For example: “I wish we could talk more than before”, “I wonder ..”, “I feel I ..”. This strengthens the relationship and connecting more. Also, avoid resentment, confusion, alienation and lack of resolution on important issues.

6. Privacy. The security of having another accessible, have their support when I need it. Implies that everyone can feel close to another to share you experiences, feelings and emotions of each other. This reinforces the commitment, affection and security in the partner.

7. Passion and making love. Lovemaking should allow a connection between that feeling. Try not to neglect chemistry and sexual attraction. Comment your partner to make you feel sexy and desired by you. In a couple, when they want to communicate affection, among other things you can try, to kiss, smile, hug, sustained and tender glances, holding hands and everything that can encourage physical contact.

8. Flexibility and mutual respect. Recognize the differences and not to focus on what you do not like about your partner. Allow the couple to be who they are, respecting their individuality to express themselves and be seen as they are. Not to be judged or criticized.

9. Establish limits. What is and what is not permitted is a matter of much importance. The limits must be clear from the start. For example: to participate in activities outside the home, spend the night away from home, consult the other about expenses incurred with the checkbook, always sharing with family, etc ..

10. Seek professional help. Be alert and recognize signs of stress in the relationship. If the dynamics of the relationship are mostly about uneasiness, anger, alienation and insecurity is necessary to assume the responsibility to seek help from a professional in couple’s relationship. This process will assist them heal any unresolved emotional wounds and reorganize their mutual affections.

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/healthy-couple-relationships/

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The Ideal I vs The Real I

The Ideal I vs The Real I

The Ideal I vs The Real I. Jorge Bucay, psychiatrist and writer points out in his book “De la autoestima al egoismo” “From Self-Esteem to Selfishness” that people should make changes to their own person (the real I), based on their own desire. These changes are always aimed to contribute to the development and self-growth (emotional). However, the author points out that when the desire to change the real I towards the ideal I is due to the interest of others because of their expectations and needs, now there is a problem. The reason is that the motivation for the development would not be genuine, but it responds to “should be”, disguising a sense of guilt, frustration, discomfort and devalue, because there is a self-imposed encouragement by others which downplays and threat the real I.

Because of this dynamic, the real I might conflict with the ideal I. The more these two I’s go in different ways the more negative thoughts and self-criticism start, because who I am (the real I) is not enough. Therefore, I must be (the ideal I) to offset the deficit of the real I. When this occurs the problem begins with self-esteem because it may start the idea that it would be better if I am not who I really am.

Tip: As your interest to change is the engine for other changes, you may be hurting what you really are, your essence, with perfect and imperfect, but you. For the author, self-esteem has to do with recognizing that is valuable only for the fact of being who you are. If this conflict occurs should reevaluate what the VALUE you have of yourself.

Evaluate your value:

Be authentic.

Autonomy, self-able to set its own goals and standards.

Limits, give yourself a place and able to ponder limits.

Proud, be happy and proud of yourself.

Receptive, feel worthy to accept what life gives us.

The result of these features will be a healthy self-esteem!

Do not forget to show and practice. Be You.

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/the-ideal-i-vs-the-real-i/

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The Ideal I vs The Rea

l I

The Ideal I vs The Real I

The Ideal I vs The Real I

TEN STEPS TO DEVELOP YOUR POTENTIAL EVERY DAY

TEN STEPS TO DEVELOP YOUR POTENTIAL EVERY DAY

1 Choose a life of growth. To develop your potential it is not just to focus on the ‘being’, it is necessary to grow the ‘being’. Decide now and plan to be better at what you are or want to ‘be’.
2 Begin to grow TODAY. Because growth is not automatic it is imperative that you take the responsibility today for developing your potential. Is not just saying, “I will”, but is about asking, what are you doing today to make it happen? Staying in the same place is not growing, it’s being stuck.
3 Assume a learner’s attitude. You may possess comprehensive knowledge and/or be an “expert” on some area. However, believe you know everything only limits you not to grow infinitely, because you believe you know everything. For instance, be a better parent, professional, human being, etc.
4 Focus on your personal development. When your focus is on this area you will reach the destination you want for yourself. Discover your potential if you have not done it (we all have it) and start every day to exploit your potential!!
5 Do not settle for today’s achievements. Be glad of them, but do not settle. Has it not occurred to you that after reaching a goal, you ask, “What now?”. Enjoy your success and continued to growth.
6 Be a continuous learner. To continue to grow you have to keep up with what’s new. It is not enough what you learn today. Remember that information is always in transformation. To improve it is necessary to learn new skills.
7 Focus only on those issues important to you. Select only those issues you have a passion and interest. They are part of you. Do not be distracted by “everything”. Ask yourself what are the areas you want to limit yourself to grow.
8 Developing a growth plan. Set a time for this and keep it. According to Earl Nightingale, “if a person will spend an hour on the same subject for five years, will be an expert in these matters.” So if you want to grow you have to plan and book the time for it.
9 Pay the price. Success requires effort, initiative and action. If you want to grow, a life outside the comfort zone is necessary. After all, you deserve it.
10 Find a way to apply what you learn. Is not enough to just learn. All this learning must be applied. When you learn something, put it into practice to develop your potential! Otherwise, why did you learn it for?

Caroline Rodriguez Mercado, PsyD
Psychologist Counselor

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/ten-steps-to-develop-your-potential-every-day/

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Emotional deregulation in the relationship

Emotional deregulation in the relationship

¿Strong emotions in your relationship?

Beware if your emotions are out of control and are expressed disproportionately and/or impulsive in your relationships. Emotions can negatively affect the way how to think and act in our relationships. If you show a problem to respond in a healthy and effective way is likely to present a deficit in your ability and function to regulate (control) your emotions.
The term self-regulation proposed by Bandura in his social cognitive theory suggests that all humans have a system that allows us to have control over our surroundings (environment, experiences, relationships, etc.). This control goes above the thoughts, feelings and actions. It involves a repertoire of skills that make it possible. When you regulate your emotions you are able to evaluate, modify thoughts and behaviors. It is not that you will not experience emotional discomfort, when you do not adjusts your emotions in a healthy way you can be capable of exhibiting destructive behavior, such as verbal and physical aggression, avoid difficult situations, destruction of belongings. These behaviors are causing a pattern that lead to self-destructive and harmful relationships with your partner and probably in your interpersonal relationships.
There are some factors that can make you vulnerable to negative reactions and out of control emotional reactions. Some authors including Alan E. Fruzzetti (2005) in his book “The High Conflict Couple” propose three:

1. Sensitivity. People vary in their level of sensitivity. For example, it may be that your partner is highly sensitive and does not require much effort to sense and understand your feelings. However, it may be that you present less sensitivity to this. This situation causes you to demand more from your partner to understand what you are feeling so you can feel supported (a) emotionally. If these differences are not aware, it will cause discomfort and tension in communication and relationship.
2. Reactivity (reaction). When something happened depending on what it is, may cause everyone to react differently. You could demonstrate an ability to react passively, while your partner reacts intense to the same. What distinguishes these two types of reactions is that the intense/ high reaction will exalt and emotionally download interfering with communication before it can be cleared up all the information about the fact. People with low reaction usually respond more slowly, serene and less emotionally intense decreasing the likelihood of later disputes.
3. Time to reach equilibrium (balance). We all have a base level to balance our emotions. Emotional balance is defined by the author as a control state, where we can think and act in a clear, meaningful and effective. In other words, after experiencing the emotion, it will take a certain amount of time to return to your normal emotional balance. This can be for some people a few seconds or minutes to hours. People who are vulnerable and have trouble experiencing their emotions will take longer to auto-regulate painful negative emotional states. It is for this reason, it is suggested that the couple be aware of the style of your partner’s emotional balance for agreements, for example, to take time to discuss the outstanding issues.

The couple’s differences associated to each style on how to handle and express emotions may interfere with the communication between each other affecting the relation. If you want better communication in which there are no misunderstandings or confusion with your partner, it is important to be aware of how to manage their emotions. This will help you get closer and better understood.

Caroline Rodriguez Mercado, PsyD
Psychologist Counselor

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/emotional-deregulation-in-the-relationship/

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"Traumatic Incident Reduction" Workshop

Mindful Journey Center will be back in Puerto Rico facilitating the training of Traumatic Incident Reduction Thursday, January 22, 2015 at 9:00 AM - Sunday, January 25, 2015. Condominio Plaza De Diego Suite 203-B, 310 Ave De Diego, San Juan 00909, Puerto Rico 00909.  Share the information with mental health professionals and anyone who may be interested in helping others relieve emotional pain. Opportunity training in PR!

For more information, please contact Irene Rodriguez, MS, CAP, Certified TIRF.  Phone: 954-376-0496

and to register: http://www.eventbrite.com/e/traumatic-incident-reduction-workshop-tickets-14272121299

 http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/traumatic-incident-reduction-workshop/