Test Anxiety? What can you Do to Help Your Child

Test Anxiety? What can you Do to Help Your Child

A lot of people experienced some kind of anxiety before or during a test. Little nervousness before a test may be completely normal, but too much anxiety before a test may block the ability to remember, comprehend and perform about studied or memorized material.  

There are several tips that you can use to prepare you and your child to greatly ease the tension that produces anxiety.

TIME: It takes time to build up confidence, it is very important to start very early teaching your child to study properly.

BE PREPARED: Make sure your child has studied, done his homework. If your child did not studied before a test, there is nothing that you can do now about his feeling of anxiety.

PRACTICE: Sit down with your child and practice taking different kind of tests. The more you practice with your child, the easily will be for your child to feel comfortable about taking tests.

RELAX: Teach your child to breathe deeply, to concentrate in their breathing to feel relax during a test.

FOCUS: Teach your child to focus on the positive and don't focus on what could go wrong.

Visualize: Teach your child to visualize on success and to avoid thoughts that produce self-doubt.

ASK FOR HELP: If nothing is working and the level of anxiety is severe. Ask for help, a teacher, the guidance counselor, a tutor and a Professional Mental Health Provider can help your child to overcome the anxiety.

The night before the test it is very important for your child to get plenty of rest and sleep. The day of the test your child needs a healthy breakfast, his brain needs food for proper performance, never let your child to take a test with an empty stomach.

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/test-anxiety-can-help-child/

Regaining Your Credibility - How to Get Honest In Recovery

Regaining Your Credibility - How to Get Honest In Recovery

Many people, while active in addiction, engage in deceptive, dishonest behavior, and diversionary tactics. These are part and parcel of addiction and the need to keep the extent of their problem hidden. It is difficult to juggle all the demands of being addicted with all the "normal" demands of living, plus hiding the addiction from others. Other people in an addict's life are affected by the addiction. Conflict is inevitable. Performance in various areas of an addict's life begins to slip as the disease progresses. The addict feels compelled to do whatever is necessary to maintain the status quo, keep up appearances and/or keep going. Deception and dishonesty often become the norm rather than the exception. Use these questions to identify ways that the disease has impacted your ability to be honest and how your dishonesty may have undermined your credibility:

Identify your pre-recovery dishonesty. What kinds of things did you do to hide your addiction? How were you dishonest in word and in deed? Who did you lie to? What were the lies you told. Did you lie when it didn't even matter to your consequences? Were you in a habit of lying? What other kinds of things were you dishonest about? Did you stubbornly persist in a lie when you were aware that your significant other knew you were lying? When this happened, did you move into an "offense position", exclaiming your innocence and being offended because you were questioned, accused, or called a liar? Did you believe that your "word" was enough to convince someone to not trust their own intelligence and experience, and to believe you instead of themselves? When you were being dishonest were you acting outside your own value system? How did that affect you? What did you think and feel about yourself? What did you do with the feelings that were generated by your dishonesty and the betrayal of your values? Did you just use more of your drug of choice to not feel your feelings? Did you project your feelings on to the person?

Identify your current dishonest behavior.

Now that you are in recovery, what are you still being dishonest about? Who are you lying to? Are you being dishonest about the effects of the disease on your life and the lives of significant others? Are you being dishonest with yourself and/or others about the damage caused by your disease?

Ask yourself these questions:

• Who has my disease harmed? How?  What explanation am I giving them? What have I done to make amends?

 If I am avoiding amends, why?  What am I afraid will happen or not happen?

Sometimes people in early recovery continue to employ defense mechanisms that allow them to distort their reality. An example might be rationalizing that making amends to a loved one about stealing from them to buy drugs would only hurt them more. In reality the addict does not want to deal with the guilt and shame of her behavior and to humble herself by making amends. She fears that she will be lessened in the eyes of her loved one and will be rejected.

Identify your defense mechanisms and justifications for not being honest at this point in your recovery. Examples of defenses include: outright denial, rationalization, intellectualization, justification, blaming, and minimization, projection of anger or hostility.

Are you being dishonest about your recovery efforts or some other areas or issues in your life?

Identify ways that your resistance to be honest could jeopardize your recovery. Recovery is not possible without honesty. If you are working on identifying the people you have harmed and are in the process of making amends to them, the experienced guidance of a sponsor could come in very handy at this point. Most people need some direct guidance and feedback during the process of making amends.

How to get real in recovery

Identify any positive effects that could come from taking the risk to be honest about the things that you are dragging your feet about. If you have anxiety about taking the risk to be honest about something you have been avoiding, write yourself a script on how to broach the subject and what you want to say. Identify the probable best time to do this and make a plan on how to carry it out. Keep your message about yourself. Do not blame the other person or anyone else. Say it simply without a lot of extraneous and confusing details. Don't defend your behavior or analyze it. Tell him or her hat you need to say, and then make amends.

Form the article: “Guide to Eliminating Deception and Dishonesty - How to Get Real in Addiction Recovery” by Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D.

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/get-honest-recovery/

SELF-CONTROL IN CHILDREN

SELF-CONTROL IN CHILDREN

Self-control is an ability that allows the child to express their behavior and emotions appropriately. When a child achieves pauses and not act deliberately (impulsive) may suggest that developed this ability essential for a healthy and socially adaptive life.
How can you get it and/or learn it? There is no doubt that this ability is learned and developed from an early age. Children learn auto-control through observation and self-education. At the age of 10 years to 12 years, few children punch or cry in response to a frustration. On the contrary, it is normal to display eagerly to please their parents, teachers and peers in an acceptable manner.
Children who do not develop this ability through social modeling can learn it through direct teaching by the use of rewards and consequences. It is important to select appropriate goals based on the child’s age. For example, 5-year goal would not interrupt sleep at age 7 at a fixed time and 9 years start their homework.

Here are some strategies that work for teaching self-control:
1. Catch a break: take a break (pause) can help reduce fights and assaults. Encourage him to take a break.
2. Establish a schedule for sleeping or dining. The structure is very important because it prevents misunderstandings and assumes expected every moment.
3. Teaching to pay attention: teach not to interrupt and to wait their turn.
4. Use rewards: the key to success is constant reward the child for their progress, for this reason, it is suggested to recognize their achievements.

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/self-control-children/

Use Self Encouraging Coping Thoughts

Use Self Encouraging Coping Thoughts

There are many upsetting times in life when we all need to hear some encouraging words to keep us motivated or to help us endure the pain that we are experiencing. But there are many upsetting times like these when you are also alone and you need to encourage yourself to stay resilient. Coping thoughts are reminders of how strong you have been in the past when you survived upsetting situations and they are also reminders of encouraging words that given your strength. Coping thoughts are especially helpful when you first notice that you are feeling agitated, nervous, angry or upset. 

Here is a list of coping thoughts that many people have found to be helpful:

·         “This situation won’t last forever.”

·         “This too shall pass.”

·         “I can be anxious and still deal with the situations.”

·         “This is an opportunity for me to learn how to deal with my fears.”

·         “These are just my feelings, and eventually they will go away.”

·         “This situation suck, but it is only temporary.”

·         “I am strong and I can deal with this.”

·         “My thoughts don’t control my life, I do.”

Coping thoughts can help you tolerate upsetting situations by giving you strengths and motivation to endure those experiences. Now that you know about coping thoughts, you can begin using them immediately.  Write your five favorite coping thoughts on an index card or your phone and keep it with you in your wallet or purse.  The more you see your coping thoughts, the more quickly they will became part of your automatic thought process.

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/use-self-encouraging-coping-thoughts/

Recovery: Fear and Worry

Recovery: Fear and Worry

Fear is a normal emotion. Overcoming fears moves us and creates happiness. Fear left abandoned, however, can be a major lump to your recovery and an obstacle to reach your potential in life.

It is normal to feel fear in early recovery. Most people are hesitant about facing new situations. Some of them have never managed in society without using drugs or being sober.  The idea of thinking what’s ahead can be overpowering.

The individual with addiction problem has learned that the best way to be safe and free from fear is to try to control everything.  The problem comes when we have a little control. For alcoholics and addict, lack of control does not feel safe. It spawns all manner of concerns and fears.

Some individual with addiction problem will find difficult to identify their fear and will turn it into anger.  Some of them will find themselves overwhelmed by fear and feel without control, powerless and panicked. In the other hand, at times they will feel confident and sometimes too much so. Overconfidence and cockiness are dangerous in sobriety. These outlooks diminish the severity of the addiction or the amount of effort needed to work through their fears. People in recovery must always give addiction its due respect.

Afraid to transformation: Afraid to no change

Most alcoholics and individual with addiction problems have the same fears in early recovery:

1.       Living a life without drug use and sober.

1.       Changing or losing relationships

2.       Fear to the future

3.       Facing the past

4.       Facing others

Methods of coping with fear

1.       Accept that fear is normal.

2.       Live one day at the time.

3.       Deal with your problems one at the time.

4.       Trust your Higher Power.

5.       Use your support system.

6.       Engage in constructive activities.

7.       Stay focus on your recovery.

8.       Be kind to yourself.

9.       Challenge your irrational beliefs.

10.   Move out of your comfort zone.

Facing the fears is an important part in recovery.  With help of friends, is possible because nobody has to be alone in this process. Many people have been thought this before and they can be a guide.

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/recovery-fear-worry/

Take Time Know Yourself

To take time to know you is essential to have a healthy self-esteem. Because every day we may find ourselves overwhelm with other “important” issues; issues that in most cases does not actually enrich us personally or very little. As a counselor I had the opportunity to meet wonderful people. However, the way in which their lives are now does not to reflect how wonderful they are. The individual reasons can be very different. But in many cases, the lack of not knowing yourself and/or living in harmony with their values ​​is observed. It may also happen that some see themselves as they have to be worth to live happily and continue with his own life.

Here we share some tips that have been adapted from the original article (Esteem) by author Francisco Masso. These aspects could be helpful for a healthy strengthening of your character and to move on with the path you want to go:

1. Know who you are.

• Ask yourself, what are the features that are part of who you are (more significant qualities that are present wherever we go); i.e. part of yourself.
• How do you see yourself?
• Take time to discover your own individual concerns.

2. Value yourself.

• It is very usual that you inadvertently pay more attention and importance to others than to yourself. When it comes to value yourself, takes no time or priority. Ask yourself: Do you really give yourself love and appreciate yourself?
• At the time of taking any step in your life, take time and consider how important is to reflect whether that step is aligned with your interests, beliefs, values ​​and thoughts.
• Try not to think about anything else or anyone else.
• Bring love in others, by been and showing who you really are.

3. Respect Yourself.

• This means that you accept and loves who you really are.
• Identify what part of your character and personality does not allow you to improve and be happier with you.
• Recognize your strengths and weaknesses.
• Defend your ideals, standards and beliefs.
• Protect your rights and interests.
• Take pride for who you are.
• If necessary, educate and/or seek professional help to develop new attitudes, thoughts and feelings that allow you to be happy with yourself.

4. Love You.

• Try to be comfortable with yourself and with what you do.
• Keep your inner thought at peace, this will allow you to stay interested in continuing plans and projects.
• Motivate yourself to have plans and goals.
• Establishes partnerships and healthy social support networks.

Finally, do everything you want to do that is comfortable and/or goes with your personal beliefs. It is very important, that what you decide always reflects the love, respect and appreciation you have for you.

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/take-time-know-yourself/

Yourself

The Behavior Chain: Triggers and Cravings

The Behavior Chain: Triggers and Cravings

All behaviors happen in a certain order. First, there is the trigger. This is the external event that starts the behavior sequences. The trigger is follow by the thinking. If we are not mindful we will miss our thinking process and will not be conscious. When we are thinking about using we start to experience the feeling and sensations that will give energy and direction for the action to use. When we have the thoughts and the feelings follow the behavior ending always with the consequences for our actions.

How to cope with triggers

Triggers are real but you can plan have a plan of how to deal with them.  Learning to cope with triggers can be the big difference between sustain clean and sober or relapse. First thing that you need to do is know your environment. Does your environment facilitate your sober life and recovery lifestyle?  Is your environment prompt to put you in high risk situations? Be honest with yourself about what people, place and things put you in risk to relapse. Is your own responsibility to avoid situations that will be a trigger for you; stay away as much as possible. If you get trigger, remember to use your coping skills.

Only you can prevent a trigger initiate an old behavior pattern. You have to be in control of your thoughts and willing to stop and think about the consequences.  Take a time a review the following of some thinking errors:

1.       Is only one.

2.       No one will know.

3.       I will sleep better.

4.       Alcohol has never been my problem.

5.       I can control this time.

6.       I will not have fun if I don’t use.

How to cope with cravings

If you don’t stop and think, then you are going to start craving. The cravings are powerful feelings that may lead to compulsive drug use. If you remove your self-form the trigger and change your thought, the cravings will not last for long time. Keep you I your mind that drug use is no longer an option for you.

If you have decided that drug use is not an option for you, then what you are going to do? What are you going to do to stay clean and sober? Doesn’t matter how much you plan, you may run to high risk situations. You responsibility is to take the action and maintain your sobriety. Don’t be cocky and have a plan!

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/the-behavior-chain-triggers-and-cravings/

Reduce Stress

Stress is the result of tensions that respond to physical and psychological responses. When this happens, it is too much tension and the body reacts with physiological signals for the purpose of notifying us that there is a potential threat to our well being. These signals help us make decisions. In the past for example, a threat could be the presence of a wild animal that makes you fleeing and eventually help save your life. Today the threats for tension start slowly rather than immediately, such as, the threat of not paying the mortgage, health problems, housing search, among other issues of daily life.

The belief that you should be able to solve all the stress at once and be able to do it yourself without seeking other resources of support may actually decrease your ability to cope with the stressors. The origin of stress could be caused by internal or external factors. That is, we can produce stress from internal sources such as beliefs, attitudes and thoughts that adds additional stress to our lives which affect us emotionally and make us unable to confront and solve problems effectively. On the other hand, stress produced by external sources that occur around us. Such as traffic, marital conflict, family and money problems, among others.

Some of the recommendations to manage stressors we face every day could include:

1. Identify beliefs that lead you to have unrealistic expectations about the situation of stress.
2. Listening to music helps to distract and maintain calm while you are in a stressful situation, such as traffic.
3. Always work to enhance self-acceptance and self-esteem help you to judge and not push yourself too far, for example, be in control and want to solve everything at once.

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/reduce-stress/

ANGER MANAGEMENT IN CHILDREN

Parents before you can help children manage their anger appropriately, be assessed and explore their own feelings of anger and the way how you the handle it. Many children learn to manage anger according to how they identify their guardians and significant others.

Here are some alternatives of action:

1. Positive reinforcement. Concentrate on good behavior your child, instead of the misbehavior.

2. Help him to understand and express their feelings. Children do not always get what they want, but if you teach him that it's okay to feel bad, this may lead and accept as normal what he feels.

3. Help him learn strategies for handling problems. Dramatize different solutions and teach problem-solving techniques, showing positive non-violent ways to solve problems.

4. Help him relax and talk to himself. By school age the child can learn to speak positively about himself. This will help to calm and prevent a fit of rage.

http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/anger-management-in-children/

Self-Esteem –Seven Things You Can Do Today To Build Your Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem –Seven Things You Can Do Today To Build Your Self-Esteem

Self-esteem really is an "inside job." Regardless of the deprivation, abuse, abandonment, or any other negative contributions from your family of origin, you can begin today to improve your self-esteem, empower your self-confidence, and begin to change your own life. Here is a list of suggestions to start doing immediately:

1. Start writing. Write about things you like, things you dislike things that drive you crazy, things that inspire awe. Write about your feelings. Identify them. Label them. Own them. Say them proudly. "I feel .....". Period. No arguments from anyone about your feelings. You are the expert on them. Get to know yourself.

2. Identify what your own values. Question where you learned your values and identify if, indeed, the way you behave or the things you do, reflects YOUR values. If they don't do match, change your behavior to fit your values. Don't worry about what others may or may not think about that. Worrying about what others think about you, keeps you feeling fearful and less than. Let go of that. Always do what you believe to be right.

3. Cultivate relationships with people who affirm you rather than criticize you. Spend time with people who bring you up rather than putting you down to feel better about themselves. Eliminate or greatly reduce the amount of time and energy that you put into negative relationships. Find people to have fun with that you can enjoy, rather than feeling drained when you are around them. Cultivate friendships with people who can teach you new things and help you grow.

4. Learn and practice assertiveness. Identify the areas that you have problems being assertive in and the ones that you feel confident in. Ask yourself what you are doing in those areas where you are assertive that is different from what you are doing in the non-assertive areas. Most of the time you will find that the difference is "risking." Assertiveness skills are transferable. All it takes is to take the risk to do what you already know how to do, in an area where you have been afraid to try.

5. Pay attention to the kinds of things that you say to yourself in your own thoughts. Do you call yourself stupid when you make a mistake? Do you look in the mirror and focus on any negatives that you might see? Stop the self-criticism. Stop it all together. When you catch yourself criticizing yourself, replace the criticism with a positive. If you find yourself saying something like "I look horrible!", replace it with something like "I have such pretty eyes" or "I look better with makeup on", or "I look better when I shave."

6. Practice accepting compliments graciously. When someone compliments your hair or clothes, say something like, "Yes, this is a nice dress, isn't it" or "Thanks; I really like the way it looks today, too." Practice acceptance of someone's affirmation that you do something well. Say, "Yes, I do, don't I", or "Thank you." Period.

7. Try new things. Accept that you will not be able to do new things perfectly. Some new things you try, you won't even be able to do well. Try them anyway. If you have an interest in something, check it out. Who says you have to be perfect at everything you do? If it is you, who are saying it, stop it. Give yourself permission to try something new just because it would be fun, even if you are lousy at it.http://www.mindfuljourneycenter.com/self-esteem-seven-things-you-can-do-today-to-build-your-self-esteem/