The Ideal I vs The Real I
The Ideal I vs The Real I. Jorge Bucay, psychiatrist and writer points out in his book “De la autoestima al egoismo” “From Self-Esteem to Selfishness” that people should make changes to their own person (the real I), based on their own desire. These changes are always aimed to contribute to the development and self-growth (emotional). However, the author points out that when the desire to change the real I towards the ideal I is due to the interest of others because of their expectations and needs, now there is a problem. The reason is that the motivation for the development would not be genuine, but it responds to “should be”, disguising a sense of guilt, frustration, discomfort and devalue, because there is a self-imposed encouragement by others which downplays and threat the real I.
Because of this dynamic, the real I might conflict with the ideal I. The more these two I’s go in different ways the more negative thoughts and self-criticism start, because who I am (the real I) is not enough. Therefore, I must be (the ideal I) to offset the deficit of the real I. When this occurs the problem begins with self-esteem because it may start the idea that it would be better if I am not who I really am.
Tip: As your interest to change is the engine for other changes, you may be hurting what you really are, your essence, with perfect and imperfect, but you. For the author, self-esteem has to do with recognizing that is valuable only for the fact of being who you are. If this conflict occurs should reevaluate what the VALUE you have of yourself.
Evaluate your value:
Be authentic.
Autonomy, self-able to set its own goals and standards.
Limits, give yourself a place and able to ponder limits.
Proud, be happy and proud of yourself.
Receptive, feel worthy to accept what life gives us.
The result of these features will be a healthy self-esteem!
Do not forget to show and practice. Be You.
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