Control your Anger
There is a myth that anger has to be expressed or else you will explode into a violent rage. The anger will build up like water behind a dam. If you do not express it, then it will come bursting out all at once and destroy everything in the process. Research strongly differs with this myth. The research shows that displaying your anger does not benefit. The more you act angry or think angry thoughts, the more you feel angry. Anger feeds on itself. It never helps to hit walls or pillows or to yell. It just makes you act angrier.
What does anger do to people?
1. Anger stuns and frightens people.
2. It makes people feel bad about them. The more anger you express, the less effectiveness your anger becomes.
3. People distance themselves from you.
4. Anger cuts off from genuine closeness.
5. The more you act aggressively, the more you want to continue the attack and really rub people’s noses in it.
6. Anger causes continued aggression from both parties.
7. It does not stop. It goes on and on, fueling itself in the process.
8. It leads to rigidity. Both parties become stuck and inflexible.
9. It causes the other person to act defensive and resistant.
10. People shield themselves from your anger by avoiding you.
2. It makes people feel bad about them. The more anger you express, the less effectiveness your anger becomes.
3. People distance themselves from you.
4. Anger cuts off from genuine closeness.
5. The more you act aggressively, the more you want to continue the attack and really rub people’s noses in it.
6. Anger causes continued aggression from both parties.
7. It does not stop. It goes on and on, fueling itself in the process.
8. It leads to rigidity. Both parties become stuck and inflexible.
9. It causes the other person to act defensive and resistant.
10. People shield themselves from your anger by avoiding you.
Anger people feel like victims caught in a trap. They desire closeness but have a fear of abandonment. Their friends seem selfish and insensitive, their employers seem cheap and uncaring, and their lovers seem unappreciative and withholding. Life is no fun.
Anger is your choice
You do not have to act angry. You can solve your problems in other ways. Until now, anger has been automatic. It has been a decision made without thinking or a choice made out of habit. You spent years thinking that anger was saving you or helping you while all the time it was hurting you. You want to be loved and accepted. Anger never will get you that. Believe it or not, you can feel angry and act in a way that is not more productive. The function of anger is to stop stress. Your problem is stress, no anger.
Anger helps you to cope with stress in several ways:
1. Anger blocks the awareness of pain.
2. It discharges high levels of fear, hurt, guilt, and sadness.
3. It discharges the pain that develops when your needs are frustrated.
4. It erases the guilt.
5. It places the blame on someone else.
2. It discharges high levels of fear, hurt, guilt, and sadness.
3. It discharges the pain that develops when your needs are frustrated.
4. It erases the guilt.
5. It places the blame on someone else.
There are many ways of discharging stress other than acting angry. You can cry, exercise, work, make a joke, write in your journal, go through a relaxation exercise, verbalize your feelings, ask for what you want, problem solve, listen music, and many other things.
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