Assertive Listening

Assertive Listening

Everyone knows that good communication is a two-way street. But what a lot of people don’t know is that listening is an active rather than passive process. It requires a full commitment to really understanding what the other person thinks and feels about the problems, and wants to do to change it.  In other words, the same three things you are learning to express assertiveness, you will also need to listen for and elicit with questions.

If, while listening, you have any uncertain about the other person’s feelings or wishes, ask a direct question. “I am not really sure how you feel about that- could you tell me more?” “What do you think we should try to change in this situation?”

The more active your questions, the more you learn and the better equipped you will be to find solutions and compromises that serves both people needs.

 Key questions to ask others are as follows:

·         “What is the central problem, as you understand it?”

·         “How do you make sense of the situation? What do you think is happening?”

·         “When you are struggling with (name the problem) ____, how does it make you feel?

·         “When you are dealing with (name the problem) ____, what does it make you want to do?”

·         “What do you think needs to change?”

·         “What would you like me to do to help with this?”

Assertive listening is extremely valuable, but remember just because you found out what someone needs; it doesn’t mean you have to give it to them. Traumatic Incident  Reduction and Life Stress Reduction program can help to improve your relationship with others by resolving upsetting events that are preventing you to have healthy relationships.

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